Deja Vu
by Gwynwidlen
Summary: Dan came into Phil's life at the perfect time.
1. Chapter 1

**Deja Vu**

**by Gwynwidlen**

**Summary: Dan came into Phil's life at the perfect time. Will it be enough to save him?**

**WARNING: MAY CAUSE EXTREME FEELS.**

**Rated: M**

* * *

Dan came into Phil's life at the perfect time. Phil had been depressed and to the point where he wanted to kill himself. But then he met Dan and that changed. He was beautiful, smart, and funny. He was the only sunshine in Phil's otherwise grey life. Which was quite literal too, because Dan contrasted with Phil beautifully. Unlike Phil, who was pale, raven-haired, and blue eyes, Dan was bronze with brown hair and chocolate eyes.

At first they just hung out and played video games. Dan made Phil so happy. One night they had played _Crash Bandicoot _when Dan decided to snuggle against Phil, who bit his lip and tried to focus on the screen. The younger boy brushed his hand against Phil's wrist.

"Ow!" Phil couldn't help but cry out, dropping the controller. Dan sat up and grabbed Phil's wrist again.

"Phil, what are you doing?" Dan asked lifting Phil's sleeve. Angry, red marks were scattered across his arm. "Phil..."

"Dan, I can explain." he said. Dan stood up from their spot on the floor. The older male was sure he was going to leave him. To his surprise he just stood there, back facing Phil.

"Dan." he stood up placing a hand on the younger boy's shoulder.

"Why Phil?" Dan turned around. He was crying.

"You wouldn't understand."

Dan scoffed. "What, because I am four years younger than you, you think I wouldn't understand." said Dan yanking up his sleeve, revealing multiple faded scars. "I'll ask again. Why Phil?"

"I don't know Dan. I'm just depressed." the black haired boy replied.

"Don't do this again. You are beautiful." said Dan hugging his friend.

"I'll try...for you." Phil smiled. Dan smiled at him. They stood staring at each other.

"Can I ask something?" Dan asked.

"Well, sure."

"Can I kiss you?" The question took Phil by surprise. He nodded his head slowly. Dan put his arms around his waist pulling him close, he leaned up and pressed his lips firmly against Phil's. The older male wrapped his arms around Dan's neck. Dan broke the kiss, smiling at Phil.

"I've wanted to do that for a long time." Dan blushed.

"Me too." Phil replied.

* * *

Over the course of the next year, Phil was happier. Dan had started living with him. Life was generally better with Dan to wake up to. Their friends joked it was because Phil was finally having sex regularly. He laughed with them even though that wasn't true. He loved Dan for more that his body. He loved how funny he was. Dan always knew how to make him smile. Phil still fell into depressive states but they never lasted long with Dan around.

However, Phil's depressed state started to slowly return. He kept quiet about it. Dan knew no different. He was still happy, funny, beautiful Dan.

Phil grew steadily worse to the point he was sick. Not wanting to alarm his boyfriend, he passed it off as the flu. Deciding there was no other option, he wrote a letter.

* * *

"Come on Dan!" Phil said effectively faking enthusiasm as Dan huffed trying to catch up to him.

"Phil slow down!" Dan whined. They finally reached the top of a cliff. There was a bench situated five feet from the edge. Phil and Dan sat just as the sun was setting. The older male took Dan's hand.

"I love you Dan. Always remember that. Please. I will always love you." Phil said squeezing Dan's hand. As usual, Dan smiled.

"I love you too Philip." Dan said scooting closer to his boyfriend. He leaned in and planted a kiss on Phil's lips.

"You are so beautiful Dan and I'm so lucky to have you." said Phil tracing Dan's face with his fingers. He giggled.

"Do you want to go home, maybe get some tacos and go to bed?" Dan asked suggestively, running a hand up Phil's thigh. Phil smiled grimly.

"I'd like that." he whispered.

"Let's go."

"Hold on, close your eyes." Phil said.

"Why?"

"Just do it, please." Phil replied.

Dan closed his eyes reluctantly. The older male got on his knees in front of him and took a small letter out of his pocket, placing it silently next to Dan.

"Give me your hands." Phil instructed. Dan held out his hands which Phil took in his.

"I love you so much. You've helped me out so much and I don't know where I'd be without you." as he spoke he tried to keep his breathing even, so Dan wouldn't suspect anything. "Please remember me Dan."

He leaned up and kissed Dan gently.

"Can I open my eyes now?"

"Not yet." said Phil, kissing him again for what would be the last time.

"Phil..." Dan whined.

"Soon honey. It's OK." Phil took several steps back until he was at the edge of the cliff. He started to cry.

"Tell me you love me."

"I love you Phil. Always." Dan said. Phil was silent as he tried not to let Dan know he was crying.

"Remember me Dan."

.

.

.

Then he jumped.

Silence.

.

.

.

"Phil?" Dan said. "Can I open my eyes now?" No answer.

"Phil, sweetie?" Dan called again. He opened his eyes, Phil was nowhere to be seen. The boy looked around and noticed the letter sitting next to him. Dan opened it carefully.

It read:

_Hey Dan, If you are reading this then that means we are at the cliff and I have just committed suicide. I'm sorry Dan, I just didn't want to live anymore. I can't explain my mindset to someone like you. You are so happy and gorgeous. Know that it's not your fault at all and I absolutely adore you. You've made my life a million times better and I can't thank you enough. I love you Daniel. Never forget.. -Phil _

Dan couldn't believe it. After everything they'd been through. Phil committed _suicide. _Dan was sitting right there and he just did it. He should've held onto him, he should've told him that he didn't want to see the sun set from the cliff. He should've known. Dan sat there for forty-five minutes before he had the courage to look over the edge. It was already too dark to see. Dan pulled out his cell and dialed Chris's number.

"Hello?" Chris answered.

"Chris it's Dan. .. Phil...you have to come..please.. I can't.. Phil.." Dan started to sob so hard he could barely speak.

"Whoa, wait what? Where are you Dan? What about Phil?"

"Phil's... dead! I'm at the cliff. Please.." Dan sobbed.

"Be there soon. Don't hang up, don't do anything stupid Dan." Chris said. Dan heard a lot of shifting in the background. He heard Chris say something quietly, he assumed PJ must be there. Dan curled into a ball, clutching his cell and the note by the cliff.

Fifteen minutes later, Chris and PJ arrived at the cliff where Dan was laying by the bench, he was there sobbing quietly to himself.

"Dan.. Dan what happened?" PJ said kneeling by his friend. He was handed the note which was streaked with tears.

"Oh Dan.. come on let's get you home." Chris said picking the small boy off the ground. Dan started screaming.

"NO. NO. PUT ME DOWN." he yelled fighting as Chris attempted to keep him contained. "I want Phil." he started to sob.

"I'm sorry Dan, let's get you home." said Chris.

PJ and Chris looked at each other sadly while watching their friend struggle. They brought him home and laid him on the couch.

"Stay with him Peej, I'm going to go call the police." Chris said.

"Alright." PJ rubbed Dan's back as he cried. PJ cried with him.

"Why would he do this to me?" Dan choked out.

"I don't know honey." PJ said. Dan looked at his friend and climbed into his lap. He needed comfort. He needed Phil. But he couldn't have Phil so he would sit in PJ's lap and pretend like everything was OK. But it wasn't. It would never be OK again.

PJ and Chris knew about the "Phan" thing. They supported their friends even if they didn't have that kind of relationship, no matter how much they joked that they did.

Chris came back after calling the police. He held Dan along with PJ, cuddling him between them so he wouldn't move.

"Don't leave me guys." said Dan, laying his head in the crook of PJ's neck. He held Chris's arm around him.

"We wouldn't dream of it." Chris said.

* * *

It had been three months since Phil died. PJ and Chris practically started living with Dan because they still didn't trust him on his own. He stopped breaking down every day, but he became very reserved, which worried them greatly.

Some days Dan would smile a bit, others he would frown all day. Some days he would eat, some days not at all. They stayed with him round the clock, making sure he wouldn't do something like kill himself too.

They even slept in the same bed. Whenever Dan wanted to sleep, Chris or PJ would be there with him. One of them stayed awake so Dan couldn't sneak away.

Dan felt a bit better, waking up with Chris or PJ's arms wrapped around him. It made him think of Phil though. And thinking of Phil made him cry.

* * *

One year later.

It was the anniversary of Phil's death. Dan was finally able to live on his own without freaking out, although PJ and Chris checked in now and then. Dan decided he was finally able to go and visit the cliff where Phil killed himself.

"Are you sure you don't want me to go?" PJ asked.

"I think I'll be OK." Dan replied monotonously.

"Dan, please.." PJ said.

"I have to do this by myself." said Dan.

"No doing anything stupid." said PJ.

"I won't."

Dan made his way over to the cliff. Since Phil's death, they had put up a fence to get people to not jump. They put a plaque which read "Philip Lester Memorial. Born: January 30th, 1987 Died: July 10th, 2013." There also was an engraving at the bottom which read, "Normalness leads to sadness."

Dan set a rose he had brought on the ground in front of it. When he did, a soft summer breeze blew by. He looked at the bench where he had sat just one year before.

"I wish you were still with me Phil.. I wish you hadn't killed yourself." Dan whispered.

There he sat until it was dark. Sighing, he decided to get up and leave.

_You left this world behind, and I miss you dearly, I can hear the echoes of you, it's just like Deja Vu_.

_You forever changed the stars, I can see so clearly, All the things I say are true, it's just like Deja Vu_.

* * *

**Fin. **

**I kind of crapped out at the end there. Sorry. **

**I am going to post an alternate ending soon. :D **

**Reviews nomnomnom.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Deja Vu**

**by Gwynwidlen**

**Alternate Ending**

* * *

"Hold on, close your eyes." Phil said.

"Why?"

"Just do it, please." Phil replied.

Dan closed his eyes reluctantly. The older male got on his knees in front of him and took a small letter out of his pocket, placing it silently next to dan.

"Give me your hands." Phil instructed. Dan held out his hands which Phil took in his.

"I love you so much. You've helped me out so much and I don't know where I'd be without you." as he spoke he tried to keep his breathing even, so Dan wouldn't suspect anything. "Please remember me Dan."

He leaned up and kissed Dan gently.

"Can I open my eyes now?"

"Not yet." said Phil, kissing him again for what would be the last time.

"Phil..." Dan whined.

"Soon honey. It's OK." Phil took several steps back until he was at the edge of the cliff. He started to cry.

"Tell me you love me."

"I love you Phil. Always." Dan said. Phil was silent as he tried not to let Dan know he was crying.

"Remember me Dan."

Dan opened his eyes to see Phil at the edge of the cliff. He noticed the paper and quickly put together what was happening.

"NO!" he shouted running to pull Phil away from the edge of the cliff. He tripped backwards, yanking Phil by his waist, safely away from the cliff.

"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING?" Dan shouted. He held Phil in his arms tightly.

"Dan, let me go." Phil said.

"No! You were going to kill yourself!" replied Dan.

"I don't want to live Dan, please let me go." Phil said. Dan squeezed him even tighter. Tears dotted the corners of his eyes.

"What about me?" asked Dan.

"I love you."

"Then don't do it," Dan said. "Let's go home. We can eat something and then cuddle and watch a movie, OK? Just...let me help you."

Phil could hear the yearning in Dan's voice. He gave up. Sighing, he replied, "OK Dan."

They stood up. Dan retrieved the letter from the bench, tearing it in half.

"Why?" Phil asked.

"Because you don't need it." Dan said sharply. He held Phil tightly as they stumbled to the car.

* * *

When they got home, Dan made Phil strip and he ran a hot bath for him. He washed Phil's hair, scrubbed his back, massaged his shoulders. He made sure Phil was super clean. He wrapped his boyfriend in a fluffy, warm towel and brushed his hair.

Then Dan dragged him to the living room and went to grab blankets and change himself. Dan made Phil soup and fed it to him. Then he ate a small bowl himself.

He let Phil cuddle with him, gripping him tightly. Phil's head rested on Dan's chest as they watched a movie.

"I'm sorry Dan." Phil murmured softly.

"Don't you ever Phil." replied Dan.

"I won't." Phil said.

"You better not. Next time you feel like that, you come to me. Alright?" Dan said.

"Okay." Phil leaned his head up to kiss Dan.

"I love you."

"I love you too." Phil smiled and fell asleep against Dan's chest, who continued to hold him like a most precious treasure.

* * *

**Fin. Alternate Ending. **

**Took months but, here it is. **


End file.
